Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your Commonwealth grow?
Ex-Foyle Shinner MLA Mary Nelis has branded me Colonel Blimp for pointing out what is merely political common sense – that the South should rejoin the British Commonwealth .
She was writing in her column in An Phoblacht, that bastion of great republican knowledge – or should that be just a rebel hate sheet?
Wee Derry Mary laments in 'An Provo': "Maybe the global crisis has unhinged John Coulter, the Colonel Blimp of that pseudo Irish paper, The Irish Star.
"Writing on the new-found notion of patriotism brought on by cross-border shoppers, Coulter argues that, given the global banking crisis, not only should Ireland rejoin the Commonwealth but that the Brits need to go a step further and use the Commonwealth to relaunch the British Empire in Africa ."
Derry Mary is one of a small elite group of female republicans who enjoy the iconic status in the Shinners once held by Countess Markievicz.
The clear lesson for us Unionists from Mary's rant is don't mention the 'C' word to Shinners – because its clear 'Commonwealth' scares the hell out of them.
For republicans, there is a political fate worse than British rule in the North via Stormont – and that's to see the Union Jack – the so-called 'butcher's apron' – flying proudly over Dublin Castle and Leinster House.
Thanks Mary for revealing the Shinners' true Achilles Heel. – and a special festive hug for promoting yours truly to colonel – as the best I could achieve in the Boys' Brigade was staff sergeant.
Mary also had this to say: "Poverty is not a priority of the Colonel Blimps of the Southern Establishment and the fanatical fantasists described as 'revolutionary unionists' by John Coulter."
The Oxford dictionary defines 'Colonel Blimp' as a character invented by the late cartoonist David Low.
Is Derry Mary saying I am "an obese reactionary ex-officer, a pompous elderly diehard"?
Obese? Hardly, as I'm only 11 and a half stone (160 lbs).
Reactionary? Spot on … I want Unionism to take back what was rightfully won by us at the Boyne in 1690.
Ex-officer? Does former Press officer of the Boys' Brigade's Ballymena Battalion count?
Pompous? You bet! The Tory Ulster Unionists will be back in government once the Robbo/Shinner pact at Stormont collapses in 2011.
Elderly? Look in the mirror yourself, Mary.
Diehard? Correct again. I am passionately committed to the concepts of one Christian faith, one Unionist Party and one Commonwealth to represent Ireland .
Mary also has a dig at what she terms 'little Englanders'. But what about the inward looking little Irelanders in Sinn Féin?
Have the Shinners got a Plan B if they balls up the re-run of the Lisbon Treaty in the South and the Yes camp wins?
The EU will eventually hang the South by its financial nuts so where will the Celtic Tiger run to?
During her time at Stormont, Mary gained a superb reputation for championing the rights of kids and adults with autism – and, Mary, you're a star for that.
But as a Shinner 'thinker' based on your column – don't let yourself become a daft Irish Hanoi Jane.