You'd better watch out, because the new 'White Knights' are coming for you!
Think I'm joking? I wish I was and about to unveil the biggest hoax since the notorious Hitler Diaries scandal.
Ireland has a new Protestant secret society – the Royal White Order of King Solomon, according to its website.
Already this movement has been dubbed the White Knights, because of their insistence on wearing all white cloaks, sashes, ceremonial cuffs and gloves.
Solomon was the wisest of all the Old Testament Israelite kings, and the Biblical book named after him, The Song of Solomon, is compulsive reading for any Christian.
But the all-white dress code of this modern bunch makes them look like another sinister organisation, the White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan – probably the world's oldest racist group.
Women are also allowed to join this ultra secret White Order, but they must adhere to a strict dress code, too – formal or evening gown, choker and elbow-length gloves! Sounds like a right kinky club has been formed!
It just gets even better. The White Order, which brands itself as an "elite organisation" which seeks "winners not losers", wants it new headquarters to be called the Imperial Palace, with "overnight accommodation" and a "study area".
It claims there will be no mass membership or parades, and will meet in a single spot called The Imperial Court, complete with its boss, the Imperial Grand Commander.
Male members will be called 'Sir Knights' – the same title given to members of the exclusively Protestant male-only Black institution, with women having the title 'Lady'.
Only "evangelical Christians" will be allowed in, and there will be no freemasons. For "evangelical Christians" in reality, you should read – Prods only, no Papists!
Before you cough up the annual fee of £100, you must join by sending the White Order an email, specifically detailing your testimony – fundamentalist speak for how you became 'saved' or 'born again'.
I first got alerted to the new White Order, which seems only to have emerged into the sunlight this year, from the website of another hardline anti-Catholicism group, the Caleb Foundation.
It was founded in 1998 with the late Independent Orange Grand Master and DUP MLA George Dawson as its chairman.
The late George got really pissed off when I suggested that Caleb was nothing more than a recruiting front for the Independents.
So who might want to join this new White Order? Its political advice is to vote for wee Jimmy Allister's anti-power sharing Traditional Unionists and the nutty Right-wing United Kingdom Independence Party in May's Stormont poll.
The Chuckle Brothers routine between Paisley senior and Marty McGuinness split Protestant fundamentalist groups like a Biblical meat cleaver.
While Caleb claims to represent some 200,000 evangelical Christians in the North, and its side-kick, the Evangelical Protestant Society around 3,000 followers, the St Andrews Agreement split both.
The White Order could be a sinister attempt to rally Protestant fundamentalists around the TUV as the mainstream Orange and Black Orders have been slowly distancing themselves from Unionist politics.
Nationalists – and indeed many Unionists – should not dismiss the emergence of the White Order as another nutball Prod Klan-type grouping.
In their heydays, Caleb and the EPS demonstrated a frightening ability to kick up a stink in the Protestant community.
The White Knights are either the TUV at prayer, or another PR stunt by Independent Orange supporters to set up their own rivals to the Black and Freemasons. Only time will flush them out.
