Bye, bye wee Maggie, and step forward either Perfect Patsy or Big Al to save the Stoops from political oblivion by the Shinners.
November's SDLP leadership shindig will see the party enter the Last Chance Saloon if it is to avoid joining the Nationalist and Irish Independence Parties in the dustbin of history.
In the last Stoop showdown for head buck cat, I backed South Belfast veteran Dr Alasdair McDonnell. He lost and I warned that Margaret Ritchie's victory would come back to bite the SDLP on the arse.
Wee Maggie's fans gave me a right bollocking because I predicted her leadership would take the SDLP down a blind alley. It did, so … I BLOODY WELL TOLD YOU!
Of course, I'm only a radical Right-wing Presbyterian Unionist, so what the feck would I know about nationalist politics?
Enough to see the Shinners were gobbling up the Catholic middle class vote and building an impressive Southern base under Gerry Adams.
If you had listened to me and voted in Big Al as your new boss, you would not be in this survival pickle. The Stoops now find themselves on the same political Titanic as the election battered Ulster Unionists.
Okay, wee Maggie successfully held South Down plus the Stoops' two other Commons seats. But then came this year's Stormont shambles.
Like the UUP, the SDLP has now lost its way in terms of policies.
The Shinners have outgunned the Stoops when it comes to championing the cause of an all-island identity.
Wee Maggie has become a terrific constituency MP.
If wee Maggie is smart – and I've seen her in action when I was a reporter in Downpatrick during her days as Chairman of Down Council – she must revert to what she does best, and that's looking after the bread and butter issues affecting South Down constituents.
But as the leader of a moderate nationalist party trying to stop the Shinners's all-Ireland republican bandwagon, she's become a political hedgehog sandwich.
Jump now wee Maggie before you face the humiliation of defeat in the November plot. Your only slim hope of survival is that both Patsy McGlone and McDonnell evenly split the anti-Ritchie vote, allowing you to sneak up the middle by a handful of votes.
Mind you, if wee Maggie did step aside using 'health reasons' as a cover, expect the Stoops' peeler spokesman Conall McDevitt MLA from South Belfast to chuck his hat in the ring.
But he only stands a chance if the Lagan Valley MLA Basil McCrea can successfully topple UUP boss Tom Elliott in the next round of the on-going Unionist family civil war.
That would allow Cool Conall to present his boss bid as a calculated plan to create a moderate nationalist/unionist dream team Opposition at Stormont fronted by McDevitt and McCrea.
Wee Maggie clinched the last leadership battle with a surprise, last-minute swing of the Stoops influential gay and female votes behind her and away from Big Al.
But if McGlone or Big Al can sew up the SDLP's equally powerful Church vote, it will outflank the combined gay, female and hard Left lobbies.
But whoever wins in November, the Stoop boss must merge the party with Fianna Fáil and create an all-island alternative to the Shinners.
The Stoops will also need a bunch of experienced spin doctors to sell this strategy, not a gang of quack doctors who mutter about keeping calm while in reality the SDLP ship is rapidly sinking.
