Yippee! The Stoops, Shinners, Biffo Cowen and Tories have swept the boards for this year's Coulter's Coveted Cock-Up Cups.
Former Taoiseach Cowen takes the Political Cruelty Cup for killing off the once prosperous Celtic Tiger.
One of Biffo's successors, Blueshirt boss Enda Kenny wins the 'I Surrender' trophy for handing control of the country to Ireland's most disliked frog – not Thierry Henry, but French chief Sarky Sarkozy.
The 'Best Political Move of 2011' Award, sponsored by the Black and Tans Memorial Association, goes to losing Irish Presidential candidate, the Shinners' Marty McGuinness.
With the South slipping deeper into economic gloom, the Stormont deputy first minister has perfectly positioned Sinn Féin to capture even more TDs and make it an almost certain contender as the next minority Dáil coalition partner.
The Bombshell Cup for the daftest suggestion goes to British PM Dandy Dave Cameron's Tories, who want the election-battered Ulster Unionists to commit political suicide and join a new Conservative and Unionist party.
The Top Tit Trophy (TTT) now goes to the UUP for listening to the Tories' idiotic suggestions on disbanding. There has been a steady stream of serving and former UUP people who think getting into bed again with Tories is a really bright idea.
The UUP pipped the Unionist and Tory Fur Coat and No Knickers Brigade for the TTT by telling the Protestant working class to clear off. Around 70% of these Prods don't bother to vote.
Peelers minister Davy Ford's Alliance Party gets the Unionism For Slow Learners Award, kindly sponsored by the UUP's liberal wing. This is made up of UUP supporters who want to join Alliance, but the latter is too smart to let them in!
Lagan Valley MLA Basil 'Brush' McCrea wins the 'I've got the best fan' after the hilarious Youtube footage of Basil's Wee Mate gazing admiringly into the future UUP leader's eyes.
Oops! Have I just let slip that a bunch of Tory lovers in the party want to topple current boss Tom Elliott and replace him with Basil?
The 'Up Yours' Cup is clearly won by East Derry MLA David McClarty, who in spite of being de-selected by the UUP, went on to hold his Assembly seat.
But the UUP hasn't won all the Cock-Up Cups. The 'Let's Make Total Pricks Out Of Ourselves' Award is clinched by the Orange Order after some brethren wanted former Fermanagh Orange boss Tom Elliott disciplined for attending the funeral of murdered Omagh Catholic cop Ronan Kerr.
Not to be outdone, Emperor Robbo's DUP has won the 'How To Successfully Hide Your Bigots' trophy. Robbo wants more Catholics to join the party as the DUP now enters the electoral hunting ground once held firmly by Alliance.
Does anyone seriously believe the hardcore, fundamentalist DUP Prods plan to go canvassing in the Falls or the Bogside?
The 'Ulster's Greatest Unsung Hero' Cup goes to Traditional Unionist boss and the party's sole MLA, wee Jimmy Allister of North Antrim.
He has set up his own one-man Stormont Opposition because the Stoops and UUP don't have the balls to achieve this.
Speaking of the Stoops, the SDLP collects the 'Still Dragging Your Arses' Cup for again failing to merge with one of the Southern parties to outgun the Shinners.
The 'Total Meltdown' Cup goes to the Greens for losing all their TDs in the Dáil General Election. The UUP and Fianna Fáil's pathetic electoral showings gave the Greens a close run.
