Who's on course to become the Belshazzar of Irish politics?
Bel-who you might ask? He's the Biblical king who coined the modern phrase,
the writing is on the wall.
And with three elections this month and next across the Emerald Isle, someone
is bound to seriously screw up somewhere.
The harrowing tale of what befell Belshazzar can be found in the Old
Testament book of Daniel Chapter 5.
This is no tub-thumping, hell-fire stuff from the New Testament, but serves
as a real warning to candidates who snub the wishes of Irish voters.
Belshazzar was having a right old piss-up using plates and cups from God's
Temple, when a mysterious hand from God wrote a coded message on a wall during
the party.
The words seem meaningless – Mene, Mene, Tekel, Upharsin.
But when translated by the Israelite hero Daniel of lion's den fame, the
words could become a challenge to quite a few politicians.
Mene means: "God hath numbered thy kingdom and finished it." How many leaders
does this apply to?
Tekel means: "Thou art weighted in the balance and found wanting." How many
politicians didn't deliver for the people and deserve to be booted out?
Upharsin, also known as Peres, means: "Thy kingdom is divided and given to
the Medes and Persians." What parties will lose seats and let power slip through
their hands?
And just in case anyone dismisses this Godly warning like Belshazzar, read
on: "In that night was Belshazzar, the king of the Chaldeans, slain."
At first sight, Biffo Cowen, the outgoing Taoiseach, should be crowned the
Irish Belshazzar – but he's already fallen on his sword by retiring from the
Dáil.
Could the title then go to Magic Mickey Martin, the new Fianna Fáil boss, who
will need to pull a huge warren of white rabbits from his hat if he is to
prevent a Fianna Fáil meltdown.
Okay, Magic Mickey's party will take massive hits, but ironically, it is not
in rival Fine Gael's interest for Fianna Fáil to go into complete freefall and
enter the 31st Dáil with less than 30 seats.
Electric Enda Kenny, the Blueshirt boss, will turn his pants brown if the
polls about the Sinn Féin boost are correct and King Gerry marches into Leinster
House with almost two dozen TDs to form the official opposition.
But pre-election polls are one thing. Remember the battle for the 30th Dáil
only four years ago. Polls suggested the Shinners would romp into partnership
government.
The Shinners suffered a Belshazzar moment and shuffled back into the Dáil
with only four seats.
King Gerry needs to win enough TDs to make him a significant power-broker.
Then again, Belshazzar could be Red Eamon Gilmore.
And what about First Minister Emperor Robbo – will be personally suffer the
same fate as befell his East Belfast Commons seat, or has the electorate
forgiven him for Irisgate?
The polls are also pointing to a significant swing to both the Alliance and
Green parties in the Stormont poll.
Dynamic Dave Ford needs a dozen MLAs, and Green chief Hippy Steve Agnew needs
four Assembly members, otherwise they both enter the Belshazzar nomination list.
But the top contenders will be Squeaky Elliott from the Ulster Unionists and
Queen Maggie, the SDLP boss.
Tactical voting could see both parties enter meltdown as nationalists and
unionists select Sinn Féin and the DUP in the nail-biting battle for First
Minister.
If either or both become Belshazzar, stand by for coups from Doc Ally
McDonnell and Basil the Brush McCrea – and this time, the latter two could win
their party leaderships.
