On Sunday when the rioting kicked off in Ardoyne after the Celtic/Rangers match I was visiting my dad in Glengormley.
It was his 63rd birthday and he had just returned from work and walking his two dogs Bonnie and Drake.
They had all been to the Valley Park and he was drying them off with an old towel.
I brought a card and a bottle of Irish whisky to show him I loved him.
There was a lovely great big brown trout in the fridge caught down at Lough Erne by my brother the day before. We gutted it out and put it under the grill with some butter, salt and pepper. We put on some new potatoes and green beans and talked about the big turnaround in the Celtic match.
So why did nobody tell me then that the call to riot had gone up? If I had known I would have immediately ran out into Glebecoole and started breaking loads of windows or I should say windees.
I would've definitely gone for the 'prods'. Now I don't know which houses are the 'prods' but I would've had a wild guess. I definitely would've gone for the pensioners' houses. You can always tell the pensioners because they have those window basket things, nice gardens and small new cars. They're always good because half of them are in wheelchairs so they can't defend themselves and they shake and get on so. You do their windees and they get on like you're gonna kill them. Pathetic.
Then I would've run down the street attacking everything in sight. There's a playpark on the Carnmoney Road and I would have smashed my WKD blue bottle right against the kids' slide and seen the glass shatter into a million pieces just to show my anger.
I would have ran down the road into the Glen Inn and I would've punched, kicked and happy slapped everyone in sight and caused a right ruckus. I'd be a legend.
Then I would've gone over to the chippy and smashed my (big) bottle of WKD right in the face of the 17-year-old kid doing his Sunday job in between studying for his AS levels. I'd have watched the blood burst out of his face. Class.
Then I would've gone onto the Antrim Road and stopped the traffic to show my disgust and anger at the results of a British football match that was played in Scotland.
So why did nobody tell me the call had gone up to riot last Sunday?
