Before the smoke of those dirty old bonfires got in their eyes the hurried exodus got under way leaving whole districts of empty houses in Belfast. This happens every year and this year more and more people told me they were getting out and leaving for far-off places by plane, boat, train, bus and private car. Most didn't bother to offer an explanation for their precipitate departure on the eve of this great 'day of days' when the Orange Order takes over the city of Belfast and large tracts of the six counties to celebrate the 17th century skirmish called the Battle of the Boyne. That was the day when a Dutch king sent cowardly old King James scurrying off to Dublin leaving a right old politico-religious mess behind to haunt future generations for 300 years down to this day. The fleeing multitude – lucky enough to escape the noxious fumes of the filthy bonfires, built to great heights and endangering the terrified householders living close by – includes both Catholics and Protestants. Why do they get out? Well the Catholics are sick and tired of this sectarian jamboree and the lawlessness, winked at by the powers-that-be year after year. The Protestants clear out because deep down they are ashamed of Orangeism and all it stands for, the naked bigotry and the increasingly ludicrous spectacle of a modern city closed down for most of the day for a sadly outdated fiesta of bigotry.
Oh yes, I know about those tongue-in-the-cheek politicians who talk about Orangeism as a 'cultural' expression... but that's all bunk, nobody really believes it.
Tourists can't believe their eyes at the sight of swaggering flute and drum bands leading much depleted old-time lodges with elderly gents in bowlers carrying tightly wrapped umbrellas getting sore feet marching six miles through the streets to the 'field' where only a small minority listen to the 'worshipful' grand masters.
Why 'worshipful'? sounds daft, doesn't it?
Who wants to worship Grand Master Saulters?
We can't have that! haven't they heard of the First Commandment? (Joke over).
Not for nothing July here has been labelled the 'mad month'.
This year strange things have been happening even down in the Belfast high courts including the one about the judge releasing an alleged top loyalist terrorist – out on bail to enjoy the day watching the celebrations!
That sounds nutty too.
By the order of another judge, the terrible trio of Donaldson, Smyth and Burnside have been reinstated in the Ulster Unionist Party to continue their determined campaign to undermine the leadership of David Trimble.
David Burnside MP in an article entitled 'Martin, Jeffrey and I are no lunatic fringe of unionism' took the words out of many people's mouths.
At the end of his piece Burnside let the cat out of the bag about what his trio are really about. Here I quote: "If we cannot get acceptable devolution at Stormont because of the 'all inclusive' executive requirement which gives Sinn Féin a veto, then better that Unionists should strive to make direct rule from Westminster more accountable.
Call that British integration but it is better than integration into the Irish Republic."
There you have it. Ditch revolution.
Close down Stormont permanently. The upstairs-downstairs syndrome our masters the Brits know best.
We are the underlings and can't be trusted to operate home rule.
Nothing new here. Poor old Enoch Powell enunciated this doctrine a long time ago.
It did not get much support and Enoch was quickly dumped in South Down in favour of Eddie McGrady MP.
The muddled trio, and their mentor, Lord Jim Molyneux, are barking up the wrong tree.
They may see themselves as Little Englanders but the Brits don't want them.
The row over the Peterborough councillor Neville Saunders' anti-Ulster interview has surprisingly revealed Tory support for his view.
So if the lunatic fringe of Unionism is chasing the moonbeam of integration they are backing a loser.
Devolution is the name of the game at Westminster and patience is running out with the squabbling Unionists.
