It's hard to believe what politicians in the north don't know about politics in the north. It's even harder to believe what they don't know about politics in what is supposed to be their own back yard.
Take south Belfast, racism hotspot of the north, now that Craigavon has gone off the boil.
In south Belfast, Michael McGimpsey, wannabe knight of the doleful countenance, hero of Sandy Row, stalwart defender of its culture against all-comers – even those with money to buy attractive flats – Michael doesn't know that loyalist paramilitaries control residence qualifications in Sandy Row and Donegall Pass. Yet he would claim to have his ear to the ground. Maybe he needs to talk to Belfast's famous street dogs?
Perhaps they would make more sense than his fellow unionist, DUP councillor Ruth Patterson.
There are astonishing gaps in her knowledge too. Earlier this year she invited members of parties which are self-declared fronts for the UDA and UVF to her swearing-in as high sheriff.
How could she invite them yet not anyone from the largest party on the council, Sinn Féin?
Ah, that's because she doesn't have contact with parties linked to paramilitarism you see.
So what about the PUP and UPRG? Well, she doesn't know if they are linked to paramilitarism she said, but she knows "for sure" that SF and the IRA are linked.
So there's a thing. She doesn't know anything about the political links of the paramilitary groups which dominate her area, but she's certain about similar links of groups which have no presence at all in her area.
Do you believe any of that?
Do you believe that Michael McGimpsey, hero of Sandy Row's resistance to possible republican newcomers, does not know anything about the role of the UVF and UDA in the wider district?
Who was putting out leaflets in the Village and Lisburn Road this year? Do you not think he should know? Why doesn't he? Where does he live? Newtownards or somewhere? Do you not think Ruth Patterson should know that the PUP represents the UVF at decommissioning meetings with General de Chastelain? Is she the only person who doesn't know?
On the other hand, perhaps your 'stinkometer' detects political hypocrisy? Perhaps it's politically useful not to know? If McGimpsey did know what he ought to know as the assembly member for the district, then he could be asked what he's going to do about it, couldn't he? He might then be expected to show some evidence of political leadership for a change instead of trying to out-DUP Ruth Patterson by giving credence to the baser instincts that the protesters and objectors in Sandy Row and Donegall Pass exhibit.
Ruth (not the sharpest tool in the box) does know one thing, and that is that the people in Sandy Row and Donegall Pass don't want Chinese people living there.
Oh yeah, they want Chinese restaurants and takeaways, but after 2am it's Chinese go away.
Of course Ruth is at pains to cover herself by saying she doesn't mind a Chinese community centre, it's just that, well, the people there, you know...So does she agree with them or not? Any chance of leadership?
In default of any leadership from either Patterson or McGimpsey, in essence the position of the UUP and the DUP ends up exactly the same as that of the UDA and UVF – no community centre on Donegall Pass, a sad outcome.
Sadder is that McGimpsey's stance is in the hope of saving his votes there. That's something else he doesn't know. He has no votes there. Most of the declining number of people in Sandy Row and Donegall Pass don't vote, but if they do, it's DUP.
McGimpsey might have hoped for some Chinese votes. Not now.
He has no hope of nationalist transfers either after his performance in Sandy Row.
There's one last question.
Have you wondered about the dog that didn't bark? For years the Chinese community courted the UUP. For some reason they imagined the UUP controlled planning permission whereas in the 1970s and 1980s it was the UVF and the Stickies. The Chinese wined and dined UUP politicians, took them off to Hong Kong. And for what? Anna Lo asked: "When are we going to be accepted? We are told we are not allowed to build here and there because this is their place and we are not allowed to go in." This is the fourth attempt at a community centre.
Pray what has the MP for south Belfast to say on the matter? Have you heard anything from Martin Smyth? In the end would he favour an outcome different from McGimpsey, Patterson, the UDA or the UVF?
We should be told.
