When UDA gunman Ken Barrett was sentenced to life in 2004 for the murder of Pat Finucane, the judge told him he would serve at least 22 years. This week he walked free after the Sentence Review Commissioners decided otherwise. Secretary of state Peter Hain claims he tried to prevent the release – but he didn't try very hard. Under the Northern Ireland (Sentences) Act 1998 a life prisoner cannot be released if he is associated with an organisation specified by the secretary of state as "not maintaining a complete and unequivocal ceasefire". According to last month's IMC report, the UDA murdered Thomas Hollran in February and "remains an active threat to the rule of law". So Peter Hain could easily have stopped Barrett's release by specifying the UDA. Still, we don't want to ruin Jackie McDonald's golf swing, now do we?
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The NIO takes very a different view on law and order when the re-election of direct rule ministers might be at stake. New Stormont security minister Paul Goggins MP has promised a "pro-active approach" towards tracking down the seven foreign nationals who have gone missing since their release from Northern Ireland's jails. The fact that this is a major issue to the UK media, whereas the loyalist revolving door policy is a complete non-issue to the UK media, is naturally a complete coincidence.
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All you need to know about water privatisation was contained in the full-page job advert which appeared in local newspapers last weekend. Billing has been contracted out to a private consortium called 'Crystal Alliance' which promises "quality relationship management services to all 760,000 Water Service customers." They are now hiring debt collectors.
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One week on from the UUP-UVF assembly deal and Sir Reg Empey has admitted that his party approached other MLAs before David Ervine. However, he has not admitted that this makes a mockery of his claim to a "moral" strategy for politicising loyalism. It also apparently hasn't occurred to Sir Reg that even if the current assembly's NIO-appointed speaker allows the deal, the UUP won't get that extra ministry without repeating the whole charade in a restored full assembly – under an elected speaker who might not be so accommodating. What a tactical genius.
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Because everyone important was busy on Monday morning, Sinn Féin had no choice but to put Mitchel McLaughlin up for interview on Radio 4's Today programme. Big mistake. Asked to explain exactly what Sinn Féin had achieved for its supporters, media-disaster Mitchel spluttered for a moment before blurting out: "The degree of uncertainty and the lack of confidence in the unionist community!" Oops.
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Liberal Democrat MP Mark Oaten recently blamed hair loss for his decision to see a male prostitute. Now former DUP assembly member Paul Berry has blamed election stress for his decision to see a gay masseur. "I wasn't thinking straight," he told UTV Insight. Well, quite. But was it really wise to explain all this to Fearghal McKinney while sitting under a picture of the Queen?
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Just who are the "Chicago Irish Against Sectarianism"? The group, which protested against a visit to a Gaelic club by the Northern Ireland soccer team, has never been heard from before and is completely unknown to the vast network of Irish-American organisations in the Windy City. Nor can anyone say exactly what the 80 people who showed up were really protesting about – the Northern Ireland squad is mixed and was warmly welcomed to Chicago's Gaelic Park "in the spirit of the peace process". Or perhaps that was the problem?
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Police raided a house in Dungannon on Wednesday after neighbours complained that African immigrants had slaughtered a goat. One animal was found in the pot and another was handed over alive to the USPCA.
"This could be a health and safety issue," said a PSNI spokeswoman – but it certainly can't be any other issue meriting police attention. Since when has it been a crime – or even anyone else's business – if you choose to slaughter livestock for your own consumption in your own kitchen?
